It’s been a while since I posted, does it really matter, does anyone care.  NO WAY.  well maybe my grandkids will pull this up in 2052 the day after I die just to see what that old senile guy was like when he was less old.

Well I figured out one of my biggest problems, I don’t know how to communicate with people:  Writing or speaking. I Can’t get a decent job, my friends stop communicating with me, and worst of all I thought I was good at communicating.  This also proves I am pretty lame at listening.  Oh my poor wife has had to put up with me all these years, bless her heart.

So after 41 years of living I pull my head out of the proverbial sand and figure I better start praying to overcome yet another weakness.

I now understand the confused look on the interviewer’s faces as they thank me for coming in.  They had no clue what I was talking about.  Most of the time the don’t have the heart to tell me, the half wit, I didn’t get the job.

Remember this is more therapy for me than for anyone to read.  I figure anyone that reads this will be confuse and stop reading the words about now.

I am going to write down some things I have learned.

Most men have no clue what a woman wants, in a man or anything else. Especially young single men, I was once one so I know.  I used to look at girls and if they were thin, tan and blonde, I’d think if I was thin, tan and blond that girl will like me.  I’ve wasted some time trying to be thin, tan and blonde.  However, women could care less if a man was thin, tan and blond.  As I have grown older and lost all hope of being thin, tan and blonde.  I realized all the effort I was putting into futilely trying to hold back the flood gates of the aging process, was not getting me into a better relationship with my wife.  I found some advice online from a woman who did a wonderful job of explaining what women want in terms a dimwitted man like me, who was looking for help could understand.  I am really amazed how much better my relationship is with my wife now that understand a few things.

Maybe I’ll continue this later.

I watch two separate worlds.  I live in one and watch both.

One world that I see are the people that choose not to follow God, they would say they don’t believe in God.  But deep down they know there is a God but they hide this even from themselves.  Because believing in God means you should follow what he says.

The less believing part of our world complains that we need change and look to governments, to political parties, to philanthropists, to companies, to agencies or to just about any thing other than God for these “changes” or solutions.

The more believing part of the world I see around me knows that the solutions we look for will come as we turn to God.

My wish for the less believing to have more faith is a selfish one.  I want my financial situation to change. I don’t have much in the way of possessions, We don’t own a house, or a car, just a couple of bikes, but I have a wonderful family.  It’s an amazing paradox to me; I have been laid off 3 times in the past 6 years, I can’t pay my debtors.  However, we are living in the nicest house we have ever lived in.  We have access to more satellite channels than we have ever had, We are driving a nice car with leather seats. We also have a family gym membership, we have more food than we need and  we have three smart phones.   I do believe all of this was and is provided by God.  Because I haven’t had a job to provide these things.   Mostly our extended family has had the means to help us out.

I believe if more people would just get down on their knees the economy would improve.  And my situation would improve too.    I also believe the lives of my friends and family will improve.

The tough thing is for those of us on the believing side we can never prove to the less believing side.  They have to want to find and follow God themselves.  But until these folks are desperate they will not turn to God.    Unfortunately I think it is going to have to get much worse for people to choose to change for the good.

I am praying for us all to have faith, look to God and live.

It seems there are more and more people in terrible situations.   I recently listened to some people who had lived in, survived and then worked through the tsunami in Japan.  Some of my friends were evacuated from their homes in Austin Texas.  I see reports of earthquakes, wars, famines, hurricanes and financial unrest.

I as I have watched and spoken with friends over the past couple of years I see sickness, death, cancer, bankruptcies, divorce and much of suffering.  Maybe I notice because of my situation.  I feel powerless to help.  Sometimes I try, sometimes I think I will attempt but shrink away.  Sometimes I try to help and am pushed away.

I wish I could give these people peace. I wish I could find more peace in my life.

It seems the last few years I have been constantly starting over and trying to reinvent myself. Every few months I’m at it again, reading some new philosophy, a tweak on an old idea, I’ve tried many new approaches, taken lots of advice and for what?

I’ve found a bunch of things that I haven’t been able to make work. Not so much that they are bad ideas, but I just can’t make them gain any traction in my situation. It also seems that lots of things I am associated with seem to spin out of control quickly, and being on the edge of most of these situations I am spun off violently.

So here I am again trying to start another situation.

I had no idea how fragile the financial situation of my last company was.   They lost a couple of customers and decided to lay me off.

Lucky for me I had been looking for sometime and had a couple of offers within the week.   All of the offers and interviews came from networking, mostly from my friends at church.

The offer I accepted came from one of my friends that I interacte with on a fairly regular basis.

My advice at this point is to constantly be networking with friends.  because you never know when you are going to need a new job.

I am still working towards my goal of pay for performance consulting.  We’ll just have to see what doors open for that.

I listened to a wonderful discussion between Clayton Christensen and Tom Ashbrook of NPR’s Onpoint.

“There is no happiness in self-centeredness” Clay Christensen

Then they go on to talk about healthcare.

85% of the country is served by a sick system. The healthcare gets money for people getting sick. They see problems as a revenue opportunity.

15% of the country is served by a well system.  The healthcare system that keeps cost down by keeping people well. Kaiser Permanente in California and Intermountain Healthcare in Utah. are part of the 15%

I was outside, no covering, wind blowing and the ice cold rain was turning to snow.

Only 10 minutes previously I had been 55 maybe 60 degrees.  Now it was in the upper 30s low 40s.  I felt bad for the u13 girls that were having to endure and play in this surprisingly quick weather change. for over an hour they had to endure they weather before the game ended.  We lost, of course.

Then I traipsed off to join my friend at the outdoor stadium to watch some football, not american football, but what we in the United States call soccer.

That’s were I was last night at 8:47 PM last night, in the first minute of stoppage time as Real Salt Lake scored the only goal to win the game.

Every now a again here in Salt Lake City we have a couple of days of spectacular weather surface and I begin dreaming of a long an joyous spring..  Then hear comes the cold wind blowing in from the north to shatter my hopes.

Maybe I need to find a way to move south.

At least the games were fun.